Asphyxiating Bright Eyes
by Kansi-a-lari
Summary: Another day goes by, another part of her dies. That girl so lost and hurt, hiding in her miniskirt. [oneshot] [Terra centric]


Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.

Yeesh. This took longer than I thought it would. It started out with me hearing "Bright Side" by the Killers on the radio a few weeks ago, which sparked my thoughts.

It's not really Slade/Terra, just showing the sexual tension, because sexual tension is fricken awesome. It actually ended up going in a whole different direction than I had originally intended, but that's okay. The stuff in bold is a poem, by the way. Ah, and this takes place after "Things Change."

Well, read and enjoy, and tell me what you think ;)

* * *

Asphyxiating Bright Eyes

**Nostalgia and memories break the heart**

**Letting it shatter and fall apart**

**Of a lost girl so full of hurt**

**Hiding in her mini skirt**

**As if she could escape destiny**

**Trying to forget what she needs**

**Faking her bright smile**

**And dying all the while**

The loud clear school bells echoed through the air, letting the world know that another school day had ended. The sounds were absorbed into the humid September afternoon that was already filled with the penetrating song of the cicadas. The doors of Murakami High School opened, releasing a torrent of blue pants, mini skirts, and white cotton shirts. The teenagers were all hurrying home for a night of relaxation and procrastination of their homework. Separating from the main group a lanky blond began her solitary walk home.

She could almost feel the heat of the concrete through her classy black shoes. Before she had walked to far tiny beads of sweat had begun to gather on her forehead, a testament to the day's heat. She wished for the millionth time that the dress code didn't require girls to wear socks up to their knees. A few of the girls didn't bother to wear them, but she had never wanted to be singled out in any way.

A tiny tingling sensation in her bare arms tells her that her fair skin is beginning to burn in the scorching sun. She wiped her forehead and sped up her pace. The last thing she needed was a sunburn. As she hurried along the sidewalk, a car passed by with a few of her friends. One of them leaned out of the window towards her and waved her arm, brown hair blowing in the window. The car slowed down while the girl yelled, "Hey, do you want a ride?"

"No," she shook her head, "it's okay." She smiled at her friend and as if waiting for that cue the car sped up, leaving her far behind. Almost every day someone asked if she wanted a ride home. Every time she insisted that she could walk. She had never had one of her friends at her house, and hopefully they'd never know why. When they asked why her parents couldn't give her a ride she told them that her mother was working late, and her father had disappeared years before. They usually left it alone after that, not wanting to delve into a painful past.

She was over half way home when her eyes wandered of their own will for a glimpse of the shining T out on the bay. The waters shone brightly, reflecting the glare of the sun. The windows of the gigantic tower mirrored the light back, giving off the impression that the tower was glowing. Her brilliant cerulean eyes seemed to match the shade of the ocean that she stared so intensely at. Step faltering slightly, she thought she saw a figure fly off the roof of the tower into the wide blue sky. Tearing her gaze away, she stared at the grey concrete as if it was the most interesting thing she had seen in her life.

A part of her was intensely relieved when she got to the shopping district and large buildings obstructed her view of that transcendent tower. She straightened up and switched the books she was carrying to her other hand, increasing her pace. For some reason she always felt intimidated when she was walking home alone and came to this spot. She had a ludicrous fear that the large buildings were just waiting for her to let her guard down so they could attack her.

She walked past her favorite coffee shop and furtively glanced from side to side. She was always paranoid that someone she knew would see her. She nonchalantly opened the door that was adjacent to the coffee shop and quickly strode in with an air of false confidence. The door opened directly to a staircase that rose imposingly before her, leading into darkness. Without hesitating for more than a second she trudged up the steps, letting mundane thoughts flow through her mind.

_I've got Geometry and English homework…I'll make pasta for dinner…Tomorrow I need to buy more shampoo…_

When she reached the landing of the stairs she pulled out a key from a pocket in her skirt and inserted it into the keyhole of the sole door that stood facing her. Turning the key, she opened the door into her apartment, walking in with a relaxed sigh. There was something about this place that just made her feel comfortable. She threw her books onto the couch, promising to do her homework later. She went to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror.

Her blond hair stuck to her face which was sticky with a light layer of sweat. Sticking her tongue out at her reflection, she switched on the water and cupped her hands under it. She splashed her face with the refreshing water, drying it with a soft white towel. With practiced fingers she undid her tie and laid it carefully on the rim of the sink.

Another day of simple teenage monotony was ending, and with the setting sun came flying back to her that sense of unfailing emptiness. What was she doing with her life? She was a only a teenager once and something inside her said that she was wasting what time she had, or at least spending it the wrong way.

_No. _The sharp voice resounded in her head, reminding her of the other life that she could be living. Maybe it was the life she was supposed to live, but she couldn't go through all that. She just couldn't. Not again. All she wanted to do was be normal.

Plodding to the couch placed in almost the middle of the room, she stretched out beside her stack of books, wishing they would disappear. She flipped on the cheap television that sat across from her, losing herself in the fluorescent glow of the screen. She slipped into a half sleeping state that she often went to after she got home. It was her mediation; the way to clear her head. With the T.V. as accompaniment she replayed her life in her mind, trying for the nth time to see what she was supposed to do.

She'd been going to Murakami High School for months, she had made friends, and she had a normal life.

…

_What a fucking lie._

**Protected by normality**

**Grounded in reality**

**The clever little lies**

**Asphyxiate those bright eyes**

**Screaming to live a real life**

**Begging to know wrong from right**

**They gasp;**

**They struggle for air**

**Silently asking to be release from their**

**Prison and their hell**

**If only she could be well**

She squeezed her eyes shut tight, and forced herself to sleep. Homework could wait. The burning desire to leave, to go back to the way things used to be bit harshly at her heart. Running away wasn't an option. Not anymore. The only way she could escape was to sleep and hope she didn't have to face her nightmares there.

The evening slipped by while she floated in a world of her dreams, unaware of the approaching threat. She didn't see the sun disappear from the sky, nor the moon dance up to its zenith. She didn't hear the window creak open and she couldn't feel the cold wind that brushed her pale skin. In a cocoon of her own creation, she had left herself completely unprotected.

The noise of late night news emitted from her television, the bright lights the only thing illuminating her dim living room. A figure casually sat on her window sill, staring over the top of the couch at her curled sleeping self. Her arms were wrapped around her torso, and her long legs were tucked in. She looked like she was trying to make herself so small she could vanish.

The onlooker decided it was time to break the silence, to wake her from her trance.

"Terra."

At sound of the voice that brought back so many unwanted memories, her eyes snapped open and she leaped off the couch, her back to the T.V. She faced the darkened silhouette with clenched fists and a surprisingly calm heart. "What do you want?" the darkness around them sucked in her words, making her voice sound feeble and faint.

The person didn't bother to answer, but rather just stared at her and took in the surroundings. "You remember me?" the trace of mockery was brutally apparent in his voice.

"Shut up," she snapped, hating to be made fun of.

She could almost hear him smile. "How is school going?"

"Leave me alone," the note of pleading in her voice made her cringe.

"Come now, don't be so hostile." She unclenched her fingers and tried to relax her growing tension.

"Why are you here, Slade?" her whisper flitted to him like a butterfly. She had known it was him since she had heard his voice. She could never forget him.

He shrugged, "Just checking in on my little protégé."

"I'm not your protégé," she spat at him, "I'm not your anything."

His quiet laugh seemed to fill the room. "You've become naïve." He crossed his arms and stared at her standing in the incandescent light of the television. "Haven't you wondered who's been paying the rent of this place? Who's been sending money to buy clothes, and food, and whatever else you want?"

All the breath fled from her lungs. "What?"

"So naïve."

"But…" It was true she hadn't known who had been supplying her with income, but she had thought that it was Bruce Wayne. She had just assumed that Robin had asked his mentor to look out for her, and since he was so wealthy, supporting a teenage girl was no problem. It had never even crossed her mind that someone else might have sent her the letter telling her to come live here.

"As your benefactor," he spoke in a matter-of-fact way, "I believe I have certain rights. You owe me something in return, isn't that right, Terra?" All she could do was try to slow down her heart beat and not scream. She had tried so hard to escape her past, and this was what she got. "I've been watching you. At school. With friends." He let his words sink in as the realizations hit.

"You are never alone."

What little control she had exercised broke and she hurtled over the couch, a fist aimed at his face. He raised a palm to bloke it, and wrapped his fingers around hers in a viselike grip. "Why so angry?" he stood up and looked down into her fearful azure eyes. "You should be thanking me." He took a step closer to her; she could hear his heartbeat through his customary armor. For a reason she didn't know, it made her heart beat all the faster.

She took a step away from him, unable to wriggle her hand out of his grasp. Slade took a step forward, countering hers and placing his other hand on her shoulder. Terra's breath was ragged as his chest rose and feel inches from her face. She moved an unsteady leg back, trying in vein to get away. Once again, he copied her, coming closer than before. Her fear was gradually being overpowered by a feeling she didn't want to acknowledge.

His hand was still firmly planted on her shoulder, her skin intensely aware of the pressure it made. Stubbornly, she tried to pull away again. His fingers gripped her and he didn't say a word as she futilely struggled. Eventually she sighed and gave up. When her muscles had relaxed, he took his hand from her shoulder and began taking of his orange and black mask.

As soon as his hand left her shoulder she hastily stepped away from him. Her legs hit the back of the couch, which she had completely forgotten about. In her desperation to get away from him she hadn't noticed it, and now it was too late. The inertia of her hurried movements pulled her over the edge of it. Slade's fingers still clutched at her hand, pulling him along with her. Combined with the surprise of her legs accidentally kicking him as they flailed in the air, he had no choice but to follow her decent.

She let out a yelp as she tumbled down. Her legs hung over the backboard of the couch, her body bent at an odd angle to where her head lay on the cushions. Her heart beat like mad as she tried to get a grip on her surroundings. Slade's hand was next to her head, where he still clasped hers. His face hung inches above hers, his mask making his expression unreadable. They were balanced precariously over the back of the couch, with her breath coming so fast it shook both of them.

Belatedly, Terra remembered her mini skirt, and instantly blushed as felt his legs pressed against hers. She could feel the soft material slipping delicately up her legs. His torso was on top of her other hand, leaving her no way to fix her skirt. Her heart was beating with such ferocity that she was sure it would burst any second. The vulnerability of her position was evident to her, and she knew that he was aware of her trouble.

When she had conceded to herself the fact that there was nothing to stop her skirt slipping up, she felt a warm pressure on her hip. It took her a second to realize that he had placed his hand there, holding her skirt from disaster. "You don't have to be afraid."

Time slowed down; her body forgot how to move. She stared up into the eye hole that revealed the only exposed place on his body. His dark eyes were covered with shadows, but she had a vague inclination that he had never looked anywhere but at her own eyes this whole time. Her heart began to beat normally as he held her there, upside down. He softened his grip on her hand and carefully eased off of her. His hand warmly placed on her hip he lifted her out of her precarious position, and stood her gently on her feet.

"You don't have to be afraid of me."

She averted her eyes, not wanting to look at him. He crossed his arms once again and took a step backwards. Terra's mind went blank and she couldn't think of a single thing to say to him. All she wanted to do was go back to sleep where she could escape her life.

"I need to talk to you, Terra."

She sighed, eyes moving to his feet, and decided that there was nothing she could do, nowhere she could run. She walked to her tiny kitchen and flipped on the light. Instantly the room was filled with a warm yellow glow. He followed her and sat silently in one of her two chairs that matched the small wooden table they had been placed by. "Do you want anything to eat?" her voice was subdued as she stared at her cupboards.

"No."

She glanced back him, staring at her. "I'm going to make some hot chocolate," she declared, hastily getting out the instant cocoa mix. He was silent while she heated the water and stirred in the brown powder. Only when she had a steaming cup in her hand and sat facing him did he begin to speak.

"You asked why I was here," she nodded in affirmation to his statement. "You are dying Terra."

It took a second for his words to sink in, but when they did her lithe fingers started to tremble as they clutched the warm cup. "What?" her voice shook as her fear came flying back.

"If you keep living like this you will die." When she still looked confused he went on, "You are special. You are meant for something more than this life. You know that as well as I, you just don't want to admit it."

She shook her head, blond hair glimmering in the calm light, "No…I'm just a normal girl. I just want a normal life…" Her heart beat so loudly—she was angry that he was here, that he was saying these things. He was crashing her tidy little reality.

"Stop lying to yourself Terra."

"I'm not lying!"

"You hate living like this."

"You don't know anything about me!"

"I know you're suffocating."

"Shut up!"

"You need to get out of here."

"Would you shut up?!?"

"Stop running from your past."

"I am **not** running!"

"Then why didn't you tell anyone your real name?" She froze, stunned. "No one at your school calls you Terra. You changed your name so no one would know you. I call that running."

The silence that followed seemed to swallow his words in a cold abyss. She didn't want to believe what he had said…but there was no avoiding it. "How…" she sounded like a hurt kitten, "how did you know?"

Even with only one of his eyes showing, she could see the admonishment in his gaze. "I told you," he said with a unfamiliar note in his voice, "I've seen you with your friends. I know how you act around them."

Terra took a gulp of her hot chocolate, feeling like Slade was beating her at a battle she didn't even know she was supposed to be fighting. She folded her arms on the table and laid her head softly on them. She was so sick of all of this.

She felt a hand on her head and Slade said in a quiet yet all the more powerful tone, "You can't run away from yourself. You can't live like this. It is killing you."

Her head shot up at the last words, eyebrows furred, "Now that, I don't understand." She glared at him, as if that would make him explain everything to her.

He sighed and took his hand back from where she had knocked it off her head. She was always so hasty…and naïve. He couldn't think of a better word for the girl who betrayed everything that ever wanted to help her. "If you can't see it, then you won't know what I say," he stood up and stalked out of the kitchen. It took Terra a minute to recognize that he was leaving, and when she did she leaped out of her chair and raced to the window.

"Wait!" Terra yelled at the figure that was already half out the window. He paused and glanced at her. "At least tell me…why are you helping me? I mean, I basically tried to kill you…" She let her sentence fade as she stared at him in apprehension.

"Tried to?" she heard a chuckle, "Terra, you did kill me." She opened her mouth, about to say anything, but her mind couldn't think of anything to say. "You want to know why?" She nodded silently. "You remind me of someone," he pointed to his missing eye, "She tried to kill me too, but she only got this." With that, he sprung from the window ledge into the ever darkening night, lost from her vision.

She hugged herself and unhurriedly closed the window, blocking out the cold wind. Closing her eyes, she leaned against the cold glass and tried to understand what had just happened. As she tried, sleep came and clouded her mind, and all she wanted to do was crawl into her warm bed and pretend this never happened.

The fog of sleep began to take over as she numbly plodded over the hard wooden floor to her bedroom. She peeled off her socks and pulled back the thick blankets, courtesy of Slade. She could barely believe that he had done this for her. She climbed into bed still wearing her clothes, curling into a tight ball for more warmth. The instant before she fell into a dreamless sleep, she had the undeniable sensation that someone was watching over her. Instead of sending fear through her, like it normally would have, she felt comforted. She went to sleep with a tiny smile on her face, for a reason she wasn't quite sure.

* * *

Her alarm broke the happy silence of sleep far too early for her liking. She slapped the off button, and practically fell out of bed onto the floor. She stumbled to her dresser and pulled out a fresh school outfit. Her motions were slow and hazy as she pulled her clothes on and then got ready in the bathroom. It was like mechanics—she was so used to doing the same thing every morning, she could do it without thinking. 

So many things had turned into that. Just something she did without a though; a mechanical reaction. A part of her was growing more and more accustomed to the monotony, and she hated it. It was like a piece of her was slowly rotting away and crumbling. Sometimes she felt sick when she thought of how she lived now, but when she thought about her old life…

It was worse.

She would rather be putrid and decayed inside than what she used to be.

Maybe Slade was right, maybe she was dying. But maybe he had never considered her life before this. She didn't want to go back to that: pretending she was some hero. She wasn't. She was just a fuck up who couldn't go back and had no where to go. Except now she had to go to school.

On her way out she paused at the door, silently shoving every doubt and ounce of pain and memory as far down as she could.

She half ran down the stairs, just like always, and dashed into the coffee shop for a quick and not very tasty cup of coffee. Strolling down the street, coffee in hand, she remembered her homework that was still unfinished. She had grabbed it on an impulse, forgetting that she hadn't actually done it. Quickly dismissing it, she just decided that her homework would be late.

Out of habit she averted her eyes when she came in view of the bay. She took a huge gulp of her coffee, trying desperately to shake off the layer of drowsiness that had come over her. When she got to school the halls were already full of students going in and out of classrooms.

Sighing dejectedly, she ambled through the noisy halls to her first period class. She knew she couldn't tell any of her friends about what had happened last night. Then she'd have to tell them everything else. Besides, they'd hardly believe her. The school felt stuffy and warm, and her still hot coffee didn't help that. Taking another sip she let the liquid glide softly down her throat, hoping the caffeine kicked in fast.

Before she got to her class, she heard a familiar voice behind her, and turned to see her two best friends hurrying to catch up to her. "Morning!" called out Cassie, the brown haired girl who had asked if she had wanted a ride the day before. Walking beside her, stride for stride was Erica, hair and skin almost the same shade of beautiful chestnut.

"Good morning guys," she smiled at them, hoping they wouldn't be able to tell how out of it she was today.

"Get your homework done?" Erica smiled, looking and sounding way too perky for this time of morning.

"Not exactly…" she flashed a mischievous grin, almost begging them to fall for it. Cassie grinned back, eyes sparkling.

"I didn't do my homework either," she talked as if it was the funniest thing in the world, "But that's okay. We can just say we were too busy watching the news, because we were afraid for the safety of our town." Erica laughed and glanced at Terra, inviting her to join.

She cocked her head to the side, "Wait…what happened yesterday?"

Both her friends looked taken aback. "You mean to say," Cassie stated, "that you don't know about what happened yesterday? You didn't see all the news programs, and you were completely oblivious to our almost impending doom?"

"Umm…" she looked back and forth between them, "yes?"

Erica sighed and Cassie slapped her forehead. "Slade almost destroyed the city!" Cassie burst out in exasperation.

She forgot to breathe; the world around her became distorted and twisted in malicious glee. From somewhere far away she could hear herself saying, "What?"

A voice that came from another reality told her all about it. Slade had tried to bomb the city. The Teen Titans came and after a fierce battle defeated him. He got away. "…he belongs in jail." Cassie's cold voice pulled her back towards reality. Erica nodded in agreement, murmuring something she couldn't hear. "Honestly, he's just a fucking bastard and doing shit like this is the only way he can jerk off or something."

The words roared in her head, echoing Erica's laughter. Somewhere far in the background was a quiet reassuring voice, "_You don't have to be afraid…"_

It didn't make sense. He wouldn't do something like that…he was better than that…

"Remember that girl who used to work with him?" Erica decided to continue the joke, not noticing how her blond friend was silently sweating. "That one who could do stuff with rocks?"

"Yeah," Cassie cut in, "Terra."

"I bet when she was out there destroying stuff, he was just back in the lair, watching and doing his guy stuff," Erica giggled, while her friend's face grew red. Her heart had started beating faster and faster, while she finally remembered how to breathe, and the words began to connect in her mind. She knew at least that wasn't true, and she was not going to let them talk about him like that. Not after everything he had done for her.

"Excuse me?" the blond finally spoke up, whether red from anger or embarrassment, she wasn't sure, "What did you just say?" She didn't know if they could hear her anger, but she could almost feel it radiating out through her skin. She had no idea what she would do, but she could feel the reigns of control being taken away painfully from her.

"Oh, don't be so uptight," Cassie had to subdue a fit of laughter while she looked anxiously at her friend, "You know it's probably the truth. Slade's just a perver—"

**BAM.**

Her words were cut off as a fist slammed into her delicate cheek. Before she had time to think another fist came flying into her chin, cracking her teeth together with an audible smack. Stumbling back, she put a hand to her face and stared through her fingers at her friend, whose fists were still clenched in front of her.

"What…" the word came as a gasp, "Why did you do that?"

The girls blue eyes shone with a cold unforgiving light, "That's a lie. That's a fucking lie. Slade's not a pervert. He wouldn't destroy the city." _He told me not to be afraid…and I trust him. _

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Cassie yelled, "You know he's evil!"

"Shut up!" she yelled, barely noticing how much attention their fight had gotten. They were literally surrounded by a group of onlookers, all standing with wide eyes and open mouths. Who would have thought the quiet new girl capable of hitting someone, let alone one of her best friends? No one could understand why she was defending Slade—_Slade _of all people—with such vehemence.

"What is your problem?" Cassie screamed, feeling utterly betrayed.

"He's not evil!" Something was wrong with the way her voice sounded and everyone knew it but her. As classmates and strangers watched, she literally jumped onto her friend and pinned her to the cold linoleum floor. "He wouldn't do that!" Her fist came up and down, up and down, up and down…another mechanical motion. She did it without thought, only being consumed by the ever growing rage. It reminded her that even here she couldn't get away from her past or who she was.

The crimson blood that began to flow from a broken nose splashed onto her fist, unnoticed. She didn't flinch when Cassie wrapped her legs around her torso and rolled on top of her. When a clammy hand grabbed her hair and banged her head over and over against the floor, she barely batted an eye. Blood drooped onto her forehead in an unsteady pattern from Cassie's face, giving her crimson freckles.

Her eyebrows narrowed when she shifted her feet and sprang up from her vulnerable position after she felt she had taken enough. Cassie fell on her back from the impact, bloody nose staining her once perfect white shirt. She stood up and wiped her face with the back of her hand, never taking her eyes off the blond.

"He's not evil," her voice was calm and cool, unaffected by the blood on her friend and the eyes of everyone else.

Glancing furtively about, Cassie grabbed a newspaper from a close by nerd. She opened it to the front page and threw it violently at the other girl. "Yes he _is._"

Staring down at it she saw a huge picture of the Teen Titans, along with the headline "Teens Triumph over Slade's Threat". Something didn't register right in her head. _Was he lying? No…he wouldn't. He said I didn't need to be afraid…This can't be right._

"Out of the way, NOW!!" the principal's voice could be heard through the crowd as she fought her way to the trouble makers. A gap opened immediately for her as she came storming up to delve out punishment. "You," she pointed at Cassie, "go to the nurse then come see me." Swinging her eyes to face the girl that stood staring at an open newspaper she said in a calculated tone, "You come to my office _now._" With that she turned and stamped away, leaving the girls to do as they were told. Cassie scrambled off as fast as she could through the crowd to the nurse's office, leaving behind her friend.

She stood staring at the paper until she noticed that everyone was staring at her. Not her and Cassie. Not her and the principle. Not her and her forgotten homework lying scattered on the ground. Just _her. _

"Don't look at me like that," only the closest people could hear her soft words as she dropped her eyes and went to the principal's office, and her judgment.

**Blood painted thoughts scarlet**

**This innocent little starlet**

**Fell to the Earth**

**Where no one saw what she was worth**

**They dimmed her down and cut her up**

**Never hurting her enough**

**Smothering her with ill fashioned deceit**

**They burnt down her only retreat**

**Stifling her brilliant light**

**They pulled her farther into the cold dark night**

**With no last glances at the sky**

**She embraces their overpowering lie**

"_**I am not afraid to die."**_

Dried blood was caked on her forehead and fist as she stared with stony eyes at her principal. She could see her mouth moving, but no sound came through. She couldn't go back to that apartment. She couldn't go to her old friends. She had no where to go. Closing her eyes, she saw herself for what she really was—a stray speck of dust with no home and no purpose.

When she opened her eyelids, her principal looked down just in time to miss the last bright light blink out from her sapphire eyes. She glanced up from her papers to see another dull eyed girl, nothing striking about her besides the blood. She was just another student.

The blond girl looked down at her hands, the numbing cold already in control of her. She wasn't a hero. She wasn't special. She wasn't…

With the principal still rambling on, she abruptly stood up and walked out, not hearing the yelling behind her. She walked down the now empty halls past the full classrooms. Flinging open the doors she stepped out into the morning light, its warmth unfelt on her skin.

Her mind and heart were empty when she walked away from the school, away from the town, and never looked back.


End file.
